Everyday Ways to Practice Self-Love

I usually find that my state can be improved by a particularly good song. Sometimes that’s a sad song. Sometimes its good for rage dancing. If I’m feeling bad, it can make me feel better, and if I’m feeling good, it can make me feel better. Part of self-love is valuing my joy and increasing my experience of pleasure.

Emphasis on both “play” and “pretend.” Playing itself is a good way to love yourself more because play itself is healing. I play pretend when I’m having trouble loving myself. I pretend I’m someone who loves whatever characteristic I’m finding particularly unloveable. For example, if I’m feeling difficult to love because I’m too loud, or opinionated, or controversial, I’ll pretend I’m someone who loves loud, opinionated, controversial people. And the funny thing is, I usually find out that I do. I love loud, opinionated, controversial people because you always know where they stand, they keep things interesting, and at least they’re not cowardly. Or when I’m struggling to embrace something physical about myself, I play pretend. What would someone who loved big thighs think? That softness is feminine. That big is powerful and vital and resourced. Play pretend and allow yourself to convince yourself.  

Take stock of the situation you are in, the chair you're sitting in, the clothes you are wearing, what you are looking at, whether you're hydrated… Take stock of your situation and ask, “How can I improve this?” Oftentimes, my answer is by changing my posture—I've slumped into something absolutely contorted, you know, and my ankle’s hurting, and my wrist is cramping, and I haven't taken a deep breath in 45 minutes. I often find that I can, relatively easily, shift something in a way that shifts my experience to better. Not “better” in the sense that everything is resolved, but better as in better.

The Reticular Activating System is in your brainstem and controls your attention. Our reticular activating systems guarantee that whatever we focus on grows. Focus on what you love about yourself and your self-love grows. One practice I got into that was profoundly powerful and quite challenging was every day I had to come up with five things that I loved about myself, and they could be tiny. I didn't have to feel unmitigatedly thrilled with it but intentionally focusing on that and setting it as a goal changed my experience of life.Description goes here

Appreciate what you never think about. Our brains naturally tend to focus on the negative and ignore the positive or neutral. Intentionally shift your focus to the default and be grateful for it. For me, I never really thought about my ankles, because I didn’t think anything was wrong with them. If you never think about your arteries, or strength, or intellingence, it’s probably because you’re happy with them. Spend time appreciating the things that you take for grantedcription goes here

Go for a walk. It is a gift to get your body moving in whatever way your body moves. Going outside, spending some time not looking at a screen, using your far-sight and peripheral vision. Explore your neighborhood, get to know the plants, learn their names,. The air inside our homes is often the most polluted air we breathe. You don’t even need to move. Touch grass as the kids say.

Reach out to somebody who loves you. Connect with somebody who mirrors you back a person you like to see. Not a text. A phone call. Or audio message. Hear their voice and let them hear you. Connection and belonging is the antidote to loneliness and our illusion of separation.

A way to love yourself is to feed yourself nourishing food. Foods from the ground are grounding. Sweet potatoes, onions, parsnips, rutabaga… Rutabaga is delicious. Love yourself by taking care of yourself.

Read poetry, really look at a flower, take a self-guided architecture tour just noticing what you like. If you want a challenge, look at something you wouldn’t typically find beautiful and find the beauty in it.  I went on a mycological foray recently and saw my first purple mushroom in real life. That was, was pretty awesome. Reminding yourself there is beauty so many places that goes unnoticed, it's a great reminder that you are one of those places. Don't let yourself go unnoticed.

Self-inquiry is an act of self-love. Ask yourself questions you’ve never asked yourself, with sincere curiosity, then figure out the answers. Let each new kernel of information you discover about yourself be another reason to fall in love.